You Can't Buy Happiness

...but you can support the process of creating it.

Money isn't the most crucial thing in life.
And more money will not make us happier. There is robust evidence that increasing the money in one's possession only has a positive effect up to a point. Then it diminishing marginal utility. Easier understood, from having no money at all to making 10k a year makes an enormous difference, additional 10k are not felt anymore at all when the person already owns multiple millions. This is called the "Easterlin Paradox." And the point of saturation is already at a very average income.


However, if spending money doesn't make you happy or even unhappy, then you are spending it wrong.


Some things positive psychology also has found out about money, roughly summarized, are:

• net time thinking about one's money on average makes one less happy (I am grateful I got taught this idea by my grandfather from an early age: "We are rich when we feel rich, and we can feel rich when we can do the things we care for without having to think about money")
• money can make us happier by spending it better.
• This can e.g., means to buy experiences rather than things and to buy many small experiences rather than big ones. One easily adapts to significant lifestyle upgrades and doesn't feel them anymore daily (e.g., living in a bigger and more beautiful house). This is also referred to as a hedonic treadmill (more and more is needed if existing in this framework)
• Another way of spending money better is to buy time. Only working to earn money with no time to do with it what one wants, is perverted.
• Once our own deficit needs are fulfilled, a good option is to use the money to make others happier!
• We can also get a lot of utility of external things without having to buy or own them. e.g., one can enjoy a beautiful space by visiting it, reading a book by borrowing it, et cetera.
• Owning things can also be harmful, as they might need our time and attention, which we might rather spend on something else

I massively reduce consumerism. Actually, quite to the contrary, my anti-consumerist attitude was so strong it has kept me from buying many things that would have been valuable to my life on a multitude of dimensions, and I had to work with my beliefs to get open to purchasing options and their value in daily life. I actually had to get free to the idea of spending money at all.


I think it is essential to find a healthy balance in what one buys and why. To fill emotional emptiness, boredom, and an existential void is a simple strategy (it does not work). Many products hurt the environment, human rights and maybe even on your mental health.
But I also have to admit that there were and are indeed some purchases, that vastly made my life better and contributed value to me.
The rules to differentiate whether something belongs to the perverted consumerism category or to the value-adding group are complex and not binary. Some of the items that added value for me, might not be useful for you, as you have different things you want to do, experience and create in the world.


As some people, like Rob Wiblin, did before me, I will share my list with you, because some ideas might add value to your life as well. Maybe you can also translate the principles behind them for your situation. 

Here is Rob's post: "Things I recommend you buy and use, Rob edition"
Which is inspired by "a blog post by Sam Bowman about 35 things he recommends his friends consider buying and using".

My list is not a direct suggestion for things to buy, but maybe it is useful nevertheless. Here it comes:

1) I love my Vitamix. It is a 600€ blender. What do I like about it? It is incredibly reliable, and I use it multiple times a day, on average, probably once a day. I make green smoothies with it, and it gets very creamy without much effort on my end. I do ice cream out of frozen fruit with it to eat as a lunch in summer (which means less sugary ice cream). I do nut milk that doesn't even have to get filtered because the parts left of the nuts are unnoticeable. It can even produce nut butter in minutes (I have tried it with a kitchen machine before, and it took forever and was very frustrating). I also blend my protein shakes with it. It has a long warranty of 7 years. Using cheap blenders in that time would likely even be more expensive, as they break down quickly. The Vitamin is a very high re-sale value because of the significant demand for second-hand pieces of that brand. This convinced me to get it, as I could have resold it well. I haven't regretted it and will not sell it any time soon. It has had a very positive influence on my healthy eating (more green smoothies, fruit ice creams…) and on everyday convenience. 

2) My Ipad (Version 6 from the year 2018) with the Apple Pencil has made a big difference for me. I use it with the PaperLike sticker on it that makes it feel like paper instead of glass, you feel more texture while writing and drawing. For university, I have all my textbooks on it, can directly mark the books without feeling guilty and them being way lighter weight (good for my back!) and always available in that format. The split-screen allows reading a book or presentation on one side and making notes in an app (I use GoodNotes) on the other one. When I don't have to write something specific (which I would need a keyboard for), then I often go to university or to a studying session solemnly with my Ipad. I also draw on it creatively, use the GoodNotes App for making a daily schedule that I draw in the morning and many other things. A friend of mine once made the joke, that he always was suspicious about advertisements for apple products and technical products in general, where people get very empowered to create and be better by this new tool they are using. But since he has seen my relationship with my Ipad he changed his mind and sees that this can actually be true, I am basically like straight out of an advertisement when I look at all the functions this tool serves me. After two years of using this iPad and reaching its processing limits I now finally upgraded to an IPad Pro, that I purchased second-hand on refurbed.

Picture from "Little Big - Big Dick" music video

3) Before I had my breast augmentation, I had negative stereotypes about people who would get one. I also assumed nobody I knew would ever have one and finally having someone in close proximity making the decision, a befriended girl from the gym, was a massive influence on my change of mind. I had struggled with my body for years and I would always have preferred to be that slim elf kind of type. But now that I had to live with wider hip bone structure, easily built muscles and a small upper frame, adapting the proportions seems like a good idea. I also lost basically all body fat in the breast area due to strength training, I definitely "maxed out" my natural potential. But I wanted to continue feeling feminine while also building more muscles and getting even stronger.
The reading of papers of my then-boyfriend did about the happiness of people who decided for a surgery turned out that people usually regretted not going bigger (if they chose less than 400ml), which also made me opt from my initial size wish to double the volume. It initially seemed insane but turned out to be the right decision indeed. The stereotypes people around me and I had ("only strippers and sex workers do this" were also disproven by statistics, the primary client for these and similar augmentations are average middle-aged women, often after having had their children!).
I didn't regret it ever since. I feel more at ease with my body; even when I gain some kilos, I no longer have to worry about getting out of proportion (wide hips and still relatively smaller upper frame).
I feel feminine and motivated to gain more biceps because it will not overpower the rest of my appearance. 
In general, I think beauty is not a comparative good and, therefore, not a zero-sum game. We do not have to accept things if they simply are not beautiful to us and can be easily changed. There are so many things we will have to come to terms with (like mortality and aging). My breast implants and the surgery was the most expensive thing I ever bought.

4) Similarily micro-blading was a good investment for me. Because of growing up in the effects of the 90s taste of tiny eyebrows, I had plucked them out long enough to have not many left. I got my eyebrows microbladed, and it simply made my face look more put together without having to put any effort into it when getting out of bed. It was expensive and the effect only lasted a year, but I will continue to do it every now and then. The slight effect left of it after some time is also a useful help in drawing them.

5) Other than that the major transformation I did to my body composition, was not silicone or some slight color cut into my skin. It was getting serious about lifting weights. A good investment here was to take some personal training lessons to learn the technique of compound exercises properly from the start. Squat, Bench Press, Deadlift, military press and so forth. As well as meta level knowledge about planning ones training. Investing in learning fitness skills and advancing ones fitness journey seems like one of the absolute most essential investments I can think of. I sometimes hear that "for me it is easy because I like working out", but "learning to like it" took me multiple years and I worked very hard on it with support of experts. I wasn't born "sporty", quite the opposite, I mostly sat at home and still find it challenging to see sport as part of my identity. But I do indeed love it now and yes, it made sense to pay people on the way to teach me how to do so.

6) And then, of course, I got a gym membership at a gym I like. Pardon, love. Upgrading from a regular fitness chain to IntelligentStrength (DAS Gym) was an excellent decision for me. Next to the need for a healthy body and feeling good in my skin it also fulfills social needs and inspires me by being surrounded by driven and insanely awesome people regularly. Money well spent.

7) One invention I regularly consume is dry shampoo. With long hair and other meaningful things to do than to wash them every day, dry shampoo truly is a game-changer in comfort to me. I usually use the brand Batiste (I have tried and disliked other ones). It is good to know that I don't have time pressure in the morning because of my hair looking slightly greasy. ​

8) One item I got from my flatmate is a pregnancy pillow. No, I did not get pregnant from my flat mate, hear me out! It is basically a long pillow that you can cuddle between your arms and one leg on it, as if you would cuddle with another person. It makes it more delightful to sleep with my new breasts (can't sleep on my stomach anymore) and in general, it's just such a comfortable sleeping position. I tried the one of my flat mate first and then couldn't resist to get one on my own. I have posted this on Instagram before and someone bought it as well and was very happy about it as well. It's hard to put in words how nice it feels to sleep with it. ​

9) I lived rather frugally for a while and thought drinking out was an obvious thing to safe on, as the same coffee is just so much cheaper when you drink it at home. Only after allowing myself to also take qualitative judgements into account, did I notice, that I do not really buy the coffee. I bought the "right" to sit in a beautiful place, that I can soak up into myself and that makes me happy and enjoy life. I am more mindful about what I am truly buying here now, when I do so. It is not the cup of coffee. I choose my cafes accordingly. But I do buy them regularly now, usually to work somewhere for some hours with my laptop or to read a book. Or to observe other humans. Aesthetic places make me happy. I buy an experience, not a drink. ​

10) My mother once gave me a style and color coaching as a present and it was so useful, I would get it for myself now, if I had to. The rules of thumb for colors, cuts and style made my choices in stores so much more informed, that I bet I saved more money on stuff I didn't buy, that would not have suited me, than the cost the coaching. It also saves me time and rumination about what style to get. ​

11) Opting for a relatively classic wardrobe with some "extra" or "trendy" pieces. Classics last you for a long time while trends make you continuously crave for something new. Planning my wardrobe and being strategically about some core pieces that I invested more money into, was a good decision. 


12) Other things worth paying money for are travel, especially when it is about visiting family and friends. ​

​13) If you ever wondered whether you are entirely sane, finding a good psychiatrist and psychotherapist is worth the money, too. And with that I mean: If you are continuously unhappy, experiencing suffering, think or get told you behave strongly (negatively) outside the norm in some life areas…

14) Helping others. I donate money I own to effective GiveWell charities and I gave up a lot of earning potential by working for an NGO (which is counterfactually like spending money?). This is one of the most meaningful things I can think of. And in the end I alway want to live eudaemonia, not hedonism.


15) Education, books, workshops, conferences.

16) Man, there are so many small things that now come to mind. Like those very reliable knives from IKEA. Love them. Might add more little things like those over time!


In summary, this are some areas I think are worth it for me:

• Physical Health and Fitness (coaching, gym membership, needed workout gear, blender, healthy food…) I once noticed how I wanted to save money on food by buying fewer vegetables and more snacks, I made it a meta decision rule to never to that. One day you will probably give most of what you have for having a healthier body again; it makes sense to invest early.
• Other humans, either by visiting them, spending time with them, buying them something to make them healthy or by donating to humans you don't even know
• Experiences and self-transformation (traveling, aesthetic experiences, education…)